Orientation Week 2013 has already claimed its first victim. First-year nursing student Sarah Beth Duncan was hospitalized Wednesday after suffering too much school spirit. The new student was taking part in orientation week activities when she collapsed and started seizing late Wednesday afternoon, after meeting the Students’ Union. Duncan was rushed to the Foothills Hospital,… Continue reading Student hospitalized from too much school spirit
Tag: Humour
First-year student thinks he can change the world
By Sean Willett
Despite the inherent corruption of our financial and political systems and the rapid decline of Western civilization, first-year political science student Darren Spinner is convinced that he will be able to affect a positive change in the world around him. As a new student at the University of Calgary, Spinner is eager to begin making… Continue reading First-year student thinks he can change the world
Pope Francis has Easter revelation
Pope Francis announced at Easter Sunday mass on March 31 that he had an Easter revelation. Before he announced the revelation, he was quoted saying “This might seem like a complete reversal of my previous position” and indeed it was. The Pope announced that gay marriage is now OK under Catholic doctrine and that contraception… Continue reading Pope Francis has Easter revelation
White male authorities to determine what we can do
The U.S. Supreme Court has been deliberating a Californian case regarding gay marriage. The court must determine whether or not to allow gay marriage in California. “It’s about time someone made a decision on this,” said traditional marriage supporter Norman Greigson. “I’m tired about hearing deliberation on this. Finally someone can tell me if what I… Continue reading White male authorities to determine what we can do
‘Hive-mind’ gene found in women
Scientists at the Centre for Applied Genomics in Toronto have discovered a gene in women that influences the sex’s actions. The cogitari alvarium gene has also been found in species exhibiting collective behaviour. The gene would allow women to act with a “hive-mind, like bees,” explained lead scientist Arnold Tergen, but something is suppressing the… Continue reading ‘Hive-mind’ gene found in women
Aggressive rabbits terrorize squirrels, students
A new strain of rabies has infected the majority of University of Calgary rabbits, igniting fears that students may be in danger. Campus Security and university administration first learned of the rabbits’ disease after finding several squirrels and magpies “torn to shreds,” said university contact Angela Koening. “We thought it was the work of a… Continue reading Aggressive rabbits terrorize squirrels, students
Pubic lice declared an endangered species
Pubic lice, commonly known as crabs, were declared an endangered species last week. A 2003 study from the Australian Kirby Institute showed pubic lice as the most common sexually transmitted infection in Australia. Now, a mere 10 years later, the Kirby Institute has noted a dramatic decrease in the number of pubic lice infections. “This… Continue reading Pubic lice declared an endangered species
Militant group on campus threatens admin
A militant student organization on campus has declared war on the University of Calgary administration if they do not concede to demands of lowered student fees and the removal of corporate sponsorship. The student group, known as the Students and Teachers Union for Financial Freedom formed after the Board of Governors approved a 2.15 per… Continue reading Militant group on campus threatens admin
Rampant hair loss strikes campus
Doctors and scientists alike are baffled at the recent spike in hair loss of University of Calgary students. The praecalvustis epidemic reportedly silently hit the campus in late October, but according to doctors, the disease does not flare up for several weeks. “Many students could be carriers without knowing it,” said Dr. Frank Bateman, a… Continue reading Rampant hair loss strikes campus
Alcohol studies course successful
The new University of Calgary course Alcohol Studies 211 has been a resounding success this semester. At first, the university was hesitant about offering the course, but sociology professor and self-professed ‘alcoh-phile’ James McLean was key in structuring the course and offering it to students. “At first glance, the course could appear to play… Continue reading Alcohol studies course successful