Tag: Crude Dialectics

By Elijah Stauth

In our Western culture, we generally don’t get on too well with rats. They’re chubby, furry, unclean and vicious. Eastern cultures give rats credence as being creative, honest, generous and ambitious. But down states-side, when you see the depiction of a rat standing on his hind legs and bearing his teeth, you’re not supposed to… Continue reading Giant rats once again permitted in New Jersey sky

By Elijah Stauth

The undesirable effects of melamine on the human body have become well known to the public ever since the Chinese protein export contaminations, perhaps better known as the Chinese milk scam of 2008 and the pet food recall of 2007. The scandal, which resulted from the addition of melamine to raw milk to make it… Continue reading Picking a patsy

By Elijah Stauth

If you ever go into downtown Calgary you’ve no doubt seen what is often summed up as the homeless problem. Now this problem, quite clearly, is that people, who are just like you and I, have no home, which is to say no toaster to heat their bagels, no place to fold up their pajamas… Continue reading Spreading out the core

By Elijah Stauth

When I opened my 12-piece cookware set of pots and pans this Christmas and was filled with joy and excitement, I was forced to admit to myself that I was growing up. There was a time when anything short of getting video games or Lego for Christmas was a disappointment and I must admit I… Continue reading Be resolute for flavour

By Elijah Stauth

Canadian eyes have turned to Carleton University where, early last week, the Student Association voted to drop a cystic fibrosis charity as their annual Shinearama charity beneficiary. The Carleton University Student Association supported a motion that claimed cystic fibrosis is not “inclusive” enough because it “has been recently revealed to only affect white people and… Continue reading Carleton University students face recoil after dismissing cystic fibrosis as not

By Elijah Stauth

If you’re ideal summer day consists of inhaling the cough-inducing smoke of a lovingly rolled, green-filled joint as you cruise down the Red Mile to the tune of “Low Rider,” then Calgary Police Services would like you to meet their new drug recognition officers. These new officers intend to take that not-a-care-in-the-world attitude out of… Continue reading Don’t smoke and drive . . . anymore

By Elijah Stauth

When I first came to university I welcomed the freedom. No one was making me go to class, telling me to study or to do my homework. It was a lot of responsibility for a young student and I answered its call by promptly failing out of university after a single semester. Suggesting I participated… Continue reading Carrots and sticks: considerations concerning class participation

By Elijah Stauth

I’ve never slept with a prostitute and I’ve never paid for sex. I can’t say this is entirely due to my moral principles, a good deal of my actions would have to be attributed to both a lack of opportunity and a fear of judicial repercussions. One thing I will say is that if I… Continue reading Tips and tricks for rolling in the hay

By Elijah Stauth

Back in April the Chinese government sent Hu Jia to prison on charges of subversion. Then in mid-October the European Union awarded Hu the Sakharov Prize for Freedom of Thought, the highest human rights prize the EU has. For my trusty holds-water-about-as-well-as-a-sieve maxim that states “good people get prizes and bad people go to prison”… Continue reading EU to China: You guys are dicks

By Elijah Stauth

In one way or another, He’s slighted us all. Maybe for you it was when He made your strawberry yogurt burp viscous dairy all over your brand new argyle sweater, effectively ruining any chance you had at impressing the brainy biochemist guest-lecturing your class. Or perhaps it was when, in a moment of undisputed malice,… Continue reading Does anyone know heaven’s Postal Code?