Sacré bleu! Two seasons ago, the University of Calgary stumbled against the Université de Laval in La Belle Province du Quebec. This year, the Dinos open the Canadian Interuniversity Sport Men’s Volleyball Championships against the Rouge et Or in La Province de Social Cuts et Volleyball. In case you don’t speak Franglais, that’s Alberta.
Seeded sixth, the Dinos face an uphill battle. Laval is just the first obstacle in their march of greatness-if they pull off the upset against their Québecois rivals, they will likely face the University of Winnipeg Wesmen (what’s a Wesman anyway) and the seemingly unstoppable University of Manitoba Bisons to bring the Cup back to Calgary. Mon dieu, what an incredible task. Even with the CIS Player of the Year Denis Zhukov in tow.
Are the Dinos up to the challenge? The following is a fictional conversation between us (Oliver Bladek and Kris Kotarski) and the omnipotent maelstrom of a coach-men’s volleyball mastermind Greg Ryan.
Ryan: Hello gentlemen.
Bladek: Hey Coach.
Ryan: Who are you? Kris, I told you not to bring friends into my office.
Bladek: I redshirted for you in 1998.
Ryan: Really?
Kotarski: Anyway, let’s get to the meat and potatoes of the issue.
Bladek: Or the cabbage rolls and vodka.
Ryan: What, are you guys from Russia? Kazakhstan?
Kotarski: Poland.
Ryan: Oh. We’re going to have to serve the ball in.
Bladek: Huh?
Ryan: We’ve been getting great passing and consistent play from Andy Holland and Kelly Cherniwchan. Scott Thomas is ready to come off the bench when needed.
Kotarski: What about your middles?
Ryan: Wes "Beaker" Montgomery is tall. Steve Brand is tall too.
Bladek: Sounds impressive, coach.
Ryan: It is. We have Denis Zhukov too. He’s tall and swings really hard.
Kotarski: Does he close his eyes when he hits the ball?
Ryan: No.
Kotarski: Why does that guy wear that funny coloured shirt and just runs in and out of the back row?
Ryan: He’s the libero. Are you new to this barbeque, junior?
Bladek: Don’t mind him. Any predictions for our readers?
Ryan: If we stick to the game plan, we’ll definitely win the whole thing.
Bladek: The game plan, eh? What a novel concept.
Ryan: Piss off Bladek. Get out of my office.
Kotarski: Do I have to leave too?
Ryan: Yes. Go do your homework and come back when you know what a libero is.
Bladek: Good luck coach.
Kotarski: Bring home the gold, baby!!!
The Dinos kick off the championship bid Thu., Feb. 28 against Laval at the University of Alberta’s Butterdome.