People drunk enough to throw up are relatively unselective when it comes to choosing a vomit venue. That’s nothing new.
In fact, I’ve seen a number of interesting losing-your-lunch locales. The Saddledome, garbage cans in front of the old Fox, Rez bathrooms (of course), C-Trains, even Science Theatre water fountains. You’d think a living room floor would pale in comparison to this notable list of famously foul spots.
If you are thinking that, however you’ve probably never been the victim of a PFD. No, I’m not referring to a personal flotation device, I’m talking about the Puking First Date.
A guy named Darren recently met what he hoped would be the love of his life–or at least the source of some short-term action. After putting in some time getting to know her, he was psyched when she agreed to meet him for dinner.
When it came time for said dinner date, however, he was a bit surprised to see her arrive absolutely trashed. And we’re not talking about a girl who’d had a few drinks to calm her nerves, we’re talking about an almost-slobbering mess.
But Darren powered through. He made it to the end of dinner and the girl–no longer a candidate to become the love of his life–was even starting to sober up. Maybe that’s why he invited her home with him (or maybe he was just starting to focus on the possibility of action).
Unfortunately, this turned out to be a mistake.
Walking into his apartment, Darren’s date made a beeline for the living room floor, where she promptly lay flat on her back. Being the gentleman he is, Darren headed for the kitchen and poured her a glass of water.
Had he known what the next few minutes would hold, maybe he would have first pulled the girl over to the nearby linoleum, an act common when house-training a puppy.
Alas, he lacked this foresight, so he settled onto the couch.
Then it happened.
The first date (or FD) became a PFD. With a resounding gag-slash-heave, Darren’s date rid herself of the water and sent the rest of her stomach contents along with it.
Not believing his luck, Darren asked her, “did you just throw up?” He wanted to accept her reply that she had “just spilled the water,” but the reeking mess now emanating from his new carpet told him otherwise.
Disgusted, he called her a cab. You can only imagine the awkwardness while waiting for said taxi. You can only imagine the exorbitant charges from the carpet cleaning company. And, the next time you find yourself drunk and sick, you will hopefully be able to imagine how much worse it would be to fall victim to a PFD.