Hollywood has a long and eventful history with the martial arts. From the 90-minute Sega Genesis commercial Surf Ninja to the “classic” Three Ninjas, there’s a long pedigree of insultingly-bad films that attempt to bring martial arts to the mainstream audience. Despite trying so hard to escape from these problems in an attempt to honour the classic Shaw Brothers-era films, ultimately the Forbidden Kingdom fails so spectacularly. Depressingly, the film is closer to Three Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain than Master of the Flying Guilltoine.
Like any kung fu film, the setup is pretty simple. It begins with Jason Tripitikas (Michael Angaro), a geek who likes Shaw Brothers films, going to go buy some bootlegs at a Chinese pawn shop. After meeting up with some Italian stereotypes who are in a gang, they all collectively rob the store–Jason doesn’t want to, but the leader kicks him in the chest and off they go! A few more kicks to the chest later, Jason grabs a magical staff and is transported to a mystical version of China. There he meets the Jack Sparrow-like Drunken Immortal played by Jackie Chan. A “rip-roaring” adventure to kill off some scenery-chewing, meany-pants warlord and save Son Wukong, the Monkey King, ensues.
Needless to say, the plot is pretty weak. It’s an unabashed love letter to all the deliciously cheesy kung fu films and unintentionally ends up being the highest-budget bad kung fu film in all of creation. The characters are paper-thin, the story is all but an afterthought to keep fight sequences chugging along and Angaro’s character is abysmal. It seems like director Robert Minkoff’s roots in films like The Lion King, Haunted Mansion and Stuart Little followed over to Kingdom. He makes Angaro act like Shia LeBeouf in Transformers, but Angaro cannot replicate the easy charm of LeBeouf’s character. Instead, you want to see him get his ass whooped in every way possible. It’s not a good thing when the audience actively desires to see the protagonist killed, but that’s what happens with this film.
The film is being promoted as the first time that Jackie Chan and Jet Li meet up with one another in a film. Unfortunately this is the worst way for them to meet, as neither of them end up being all that good within the film. Li plays the Silent Monk, with Chan playing the Lu Yan, the Drunken Immortal. The depressing thing about this, though, is that there’s only one fight between the two. While it’s one of the most exciting scenes in the film by far, it only happens within the first half of the film and then they play nicey-nice with each other for the rest of the film.
For a film that will have most people filling seats to see these two actors fight, the filmmakers definitely needed to indulge the audience’s desire a little more. The other fight scenes outside of the one battle between Chan and Li are only adequate; it seems that fight choreographer Yuen Woo-Ping phoned it in. It’s not that they’re bad, it’s just that there’s nothing that stands out in these sequences.
People will enjoy the Forbidden Kingdom. It’s the first of the 2008 summer popcorn flicks and it’s easy to enjoy. Kung fu connoisseurs, though, should run far, far away from this film like a colt, lest they get their tum-tums hurt.
The Forbidden Kingdom opens Fri., Apr. 18 in theatres everywhere. Hi-yah!