Taking a nod from AMP Radio, we at the Gauntlet felt the need to host our own breast augmentation contest. Here are some of our submissions for why we deserve breast enlargement, or just breasts in general.
Do you think you have better, more important reasons for getting a bigger rack, all the while exploiting yourself by supporting a corporation’s advertising campaign? Email
[email protected] with a picture and your reason for bigger titties! We’ll send the picture into AMP Radio so you too can participate in sexploitation!
“I don’t really want them, but hey, if they’re free . . .”
– Eric Mathison, editor-in-chief
“My breasts are already perfect. I just want to help out a corporation’s marketing campaign.”
– Amy Badry, news editor
“Because then maybe Jimmy from 2 p.m. history will let me grind on him at the next Summer Den. He’s so dreamy.”
– Andréa Rojas, entertainment editor
“My ex dumped me because of my small breast size. Boob implants would sure show him. But, I just love cats. So much.”
– Erin Shumlich, sports editor
“‘Cause I fucking love breasts! If I had some to play with all the time, it’d be great.”
– Remi Watts, opinions editor
“I’ve always wanted a third boob, like that prostitute from Total Recall. Now that’s entertainment!”
– Sarah Dorchak, features editor
“Being smart is boring. Larger breasts will distract people from caring what comes out of my mouth.”
– Nicole Dionne, production editor
“Circumcision irrevocably destroyed a piece of me, and I hope this gives my life meaning again.”
– Aly Gulamhusein, photo editor
“I need bigger breasts for storage. I want to be able to stuff my phone, wallet, keys and everything else in there!”
– Morgan Shandro, illustrations editor
“Because I’m shy and I’ve always wanted something to distract people from my face.”
– Scagwald Provost, Gauntlet intern/sex kitten