Real drinking is no game

By Adam Goetz

Drinking games have become a beloved pastime for university students around the world. In the proper social setting, they can provide hours of fun and enjoyment with a certain level of accepted alcoholism. So, to help the freshmen and those who have led a sheltered university existence, here are the most popular and the most entertaining games.

These social lubricants should have you smelling like Robert Downy Jr. and feeling like Nick Nolte in no time. So read up, drink up, and enjoy.

Communications Majors


Name of the game: Sociables (a.k.a. Waterfalls)

You will find our editors and volunteers playing this classic drinking game in the wee hours of the morn just after copy has been sent out. The rules themselves are more like guidelines than anything, since no one can fully remember all of the game’s complexities before an actual game starts. Here are the widely accepted “base” rules.

Everyone sits in a circle with one large cup placed in the centre. Each player takes turns drawing from a shuffled deck of cards. The card that you draw determines your reward or punishment. Refer to the list below for the appropriate course of action:

Ace: Make a rule (anything goes–no names and no pointing are popular).

2-5: Amount of drinks you can hand out (e.g. a three would mean you can choose how to distribute three drinks).

6: Sociables- everyone drinks.

7: Waterfalls- The next person to the left starts drinking when the person that drew the card tips up his brew. The second person can’t stop until the first person does and so on.

8: Bathroom card- Nobody can leave the table for any reason unless they have this card. They can use it at anytime or sell it for any number of valuable goods.

9: Story- Each player adds a word to the story after reciting what has already been said (e.g.. “Once”, “Once upon”, “Once upon a”). This continues until someone messes up the story and takes a drink.

10: Thumbs- This card can be held and used later in the game. The cardholder chooses when to start, placing their thumb on the table as discreetly as they choose. The last one to place their thumb on the table has to drink.

Jack: Categories (e.g. types of cars, brand of shoes, sports teams). If they fail to say the right thing or are caught thinking they drink.

Queen: Questions-The person that draws the card must ask anyone any question. If they respond or laugh they drink, if not, that person continues to ask another person a different question and so on.

King: The first three kings drawn each fill the cup. The one who draws the last king has to chug the mixture. This is far more interesting if everyone is drinking non-compatible drinks.

Half the fun is making up the rules. Strip rules, clothing exchange rules are sure-fire ways to liven up a crowd. Get creative.

Film Minors


Name of the Game: The Beer Hunter

This hardcore game parodies the intense Russian roulette scenes in the movie about Vietnam vets, The Deer Hunter. Anyone taking several courses in film should appreciate the satire and excitement this game will provide.

Two brave players must be led into the gaming area blindfolded. To ensure absolute seriousness when playing this game, it is suggested that army fatigues and makeshift headbands be worn. Once the players are seated across from each other, a new six-pack is placed between them. The referee then takes one of the cans and shakes it vigorously. It is then returned amongst the other five beers and all of the beers are shuffled. This is the moment of truth; both players remove their eyewear and take turns cracking beers right under their noses. If either player hesitates before opening a beer the referee and the spectators must humiliate the player by yelling “Mao! Mao!” in their face.

If the beer doesn’t shoot foam into their nasal cavity, they place the open beer back on the table. This continues until someone gets a healthy dose of Vitamin B along with an intense burning sensation. The player that just committed suicide by alcohol must finish drinking the foamy beer and all of the remaining opened beers. The winner can then take on any other challengers.

Engineers


Name of the Game: Tending the teat (a.k.a. Hepatitis Party)

Until God intervenes to fulfill every man’s dream by allowing beer to flow freely from every woman’s heaving bosom, this game can be considered the next best thing. This doesn’t really have anything to do with engineering, although it does play on two well-known facts about engineers. First, the majority of them are alcoholics, and second, most of them have never seen a female nipple up close (there aren’t any women in engineering, are there?)

This game requires that you have a keg and a rowdy crowd to cheer each contestant on. First, select a suitable beer wench (preferably a woman, if you can somehow entice them to join your sausage party) who will keep score and keep the beer flowing freely. Each player then takes turns suckling the keg’s tap to attempt to get the most gulps. When ready, the wench lightly puts her fingers on the player’s Adam’s apple and starts the beer flow. The player that manages to put back the most swallows without spitting, gagging, or passing out is the victor. You may then play the ceremonial song, “We are the champions” by Queen.

Economics Majors


Name of the Game: Quarters

This game is based on the basic economic principle of diminishing returns. Simply put, the more beer you drink the less productive you will become.

This game is perfect for your favourite capitalist establishment, since all you need is a glass of beer and a quarter. To start, a cup is placed in the middle of all the players. The object is to get the quarter into the cup by bouncing it off the table. If they get it in, he/she may tell one of the other players to chug their beer. If however, the player only manages to hit the rim they may throw again. Three consecutive “rim-jobs” will give the thrower the privilege of downing their own beer. But if you lack any sort of skill, an air ball will force you to take a sip of your own drink. This game can continue until you are fresh out of money, beer or dexterity.

Political Science Majors


Name of the Game: Idiot Son of an Asshole (self serving rip off of a NOFX song)

As the American political landscape heats up like a burning oilfield in Iraq, it is only suitable to create a boozing game out of drunken politics. Most people have independently come up with a similar game while watching their favourite TV show. It follows along the lines of “When they say ___________ , we drink.” The upcoming presidential debate will provide another opportunity to get drunk around the warm glow of the boob tube.

After you have your supplies (namely beer), plunk yourself on a comfortable couch and tune in. Every time good ‘ol Dubya says “terrorists,” “evil doers” or “war on terror” you drink. It’s that simple. Five minutes into the program, you and all of your friends should be so plastered that even John Kerry’s remarks will sound sensical. You can also add a little spice to the game by cheering “don’t mess with Texas” every time you drink. This game will definitely make for some good times.

Mathematics Majors


Name of the Game: Centurion (a.k.a. the 100 Club)

Very few people can complete this game while abiding by all of the rules. Only a math major will appreciate the actual feat that a winner must accomplish.

There are only three rules to this game.

1. Each player must consume 1 oz. of beer (a shot) every minute for 100 minutes;

2. No draining the lizard;

3. No puking.

A math major knows that 100 oz. of beer equals 2.95735 L. Which is approximately 8.33056 beers consumed in just 1 hour and 40 minutes. Because of the difficulty level there can be multiple winners, but anyone tapping out early can pack up their calculators and return to the nerdatorium.