By Anna Chan
Anything can happen out of the blue on any given day, especially given drunken circumstances. This said, you ever wonder how you would react in an emergency? Take this quick quiz and find out!
1. During an emergency, you should call:
a) 911
b) 310–1010
c) Loudly, of course.
d) Ghostbusters!
2. EMS stands for:
a) Emergency Medical Service
b) Eardrum Mold Syndrome
c) Ernest Manning School
d) Is that a new kind of beer?
3. You’re on fire! What do you do?
a) Stop! Drop! And roll!
b) Re-apply your lipstick.
c) No worries! I’m over 70 per cent water!
d) Where did I put my cigarettes?
4. If your finger gets cut off:
a) You put it on ice and go to a hospital.
b) Forget it-you have nine other ones.
c) Order a Guinness to numb the pain.
d) Hold on, let me finish eating this crunchy hot dog first.
5. An example of an emergency:
a) Breaking a limb.
b) Vomiting up your small intestine, followed by your large intestine, followed by… your toenails.
c) There’s one keg left and it’s only noon!
d) Rita MacNeil having you over for dinner.
Here’s the marking scheme:
a = one point
b = two points
c = three points
d = four points
5–8 points: First Aid Kit
You were paying attention in elementary school while the rest of us were on Ritalin. You’re perfect for the Faculty of Nursing and should begin your career by repairing good ol’ Ralph’s liver. There’s a lot of work to be done there…
9–16 points: Run Down Ambulance
You may know what you’re doing, but face it, you’re not licensed. Save the beer for afterwards when you’ll need to calm your nerves. In the meantime, keep up the basement walk-in clinic. It’ll look good on your med school applications.
17–20 points: HMO
You might know what’s wrong, but damned if you’ll do anything about it-except charge for another round of beers in hopes that the problem fixes itself. They didn’t nickname you Grave for nothing!